When you think about desiring your partner, or a potential partner, what are the things that make you go “Mmmmm”? As in “Mmmmm, that's nice!” And what are the things that make you go “Nnngh”, as in “Nnngh - that's not so nice”?
In other words, what are your turn ons and turn offs when it comes to sex and desire?
What enhances your desire and what detracts from it?
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
Mis-matched libidos, difference in desire, high and low sex drive, etc. These are very common terms used to describe a very common issue.
But what are we really talking about here?
What is libido, what is desire?
Firstly, it’s not a ‘thing’. Libido is not something you have or don’t have.
Secondly, desire is not arousal.
Often people say that one partner has a high libido, high desire, and the other partner has low libido, low desire. But when we get talking it often turns out that they are confusing desire with arousal.
Having fast arousal is not the same as having high desire, and having slow arousal is not the same as having low desire. read more...
Humans love watching people have sex. The voyeuristic elements of sex have been part of human sexuality as far back as recorded history goes, and probably beyond. Erotic art is found around the world from all eras. Even in sexually repressed periods such as Victorian England there was a flourishing trade in postcards of nudes and amazing little paper contraptions that mimicked the sex act. In present times, there wouldn't be too many men around who, as a teenager, didn’t have girlie magazines stuffed under their mattress, which their girlfriends also looked at in fascination.
And now we have a proliferation of porn on the Internet. So is this good or bad? read more...
We’ve discussed the importance of sharing before you move into solution mode. How you do this is equally as important.
John Gottman, has also identified four negative ways of communicating, which he calls the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. These might not seem as drastic as the originals from the Bible: war, pestilence, famine and plague, but these lesser horsemen can reek just as much damage on a relationship as the big ones do on a whole society. read more...
I came out of the womb questioning. Apparently I was a ‘strange child’ who asked ‘strange questions’ and read ‘strange books’. From my earliest age I felt like I was the child pointing out that the emperor was wearing no clothes and was always puzzled and fascinated by people and their lack of awareness.
As a child I knew that when I grew up I wanted to be a warrior, a scientist and a priest.
I have, essentially, become all three: read more...
Life in the 21st century is fast paced, so fast paced that it’s easy to get caught up in all the busy-ness.
Busy isn’t bad, not if you’re relishing life as you busily experience it. But, and it’s a BIG but, if you let life carry you along on an endless wave of manic activity, then you won’t even notice you’re living, you won’t be enjoying it, and you won’t be making the time to savor all the wonderful things that life offers – including sex!
Wouldn’t you love sex to be a blissful haven away from all that frenetic stuff?
Wouldn’t you love to have sex that leaves you renewed and refreshed, that leaves you feeling fabulous?
Here are the seven fundamental sex tips to help you as a busy person have that blissful haven of fabulous sex. Read them, and, if they make sense to you and you want practical advice on how to use the Secrets in your life, buy and read my full book Sex Secrets for Busy People (don't worry, it's short - it's designed for busy people!) read more...
Penises love a woman’s softness. Why then, do so many women feel they need to stimulate a man so hard?
A woman is not a masturbation machine, nor is she a vacuum cleaner. Yet so many women act like this in bed with a man. read more...
John Gottman, noted American couples therapist, has some wonderful ideas around good communication. One I particularly like is the concept that you have to share before you can fix.
What this means is that when you have something you need to discuss or resolve, it’s important that the two of you take the time to share how you feel about the situation before you try finding ways of solving the situation. read more...
My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this week. Congratulations Mum and Dad!
They’ve had a great relationship. It’s had its ups and downs of course, but they never flat-lined or became complacent. They maintained their zest for life. And as I often say: you’ve gotta love life to have a love life.
What I do want to talk about is how much my father loves my mother, and what a positive impact that has had on me. You see, as a girl, having a father who loves, respects and admires his wife, your mother, is the best thing possible for growing up with a positive self-image. read more...
When your vagina is relaxed and receptive it becomes the most amazingly sensitive organ, capable of experiencing subtle energies and generating beautifully exquisite sensations. Unfortunately, as the standard model of sex is for vigorous thrusting into the vagina, our vaginas tend to become “hardened” to subtlety.
Also, because of the focus on the clitoris, the vagina can get neglected. To the extent that some people feel that the clitoris is the only important sex organ for a woman and that the vagina is simply a vessel for the man’s penis to enjoy. So most of the attention goes on to the clitoris, with strong stimulation there to the point of orgasm, followed by intercourse until he comes. The clitoris is very wonderful, of course! But so is the vagina. I’d like you to reclaim your vagina as the wonderful, sensitive organ that it can be. read more...
- Solo Sex: Mindful Masturbation
- Own the Crone
- Porn Star vs Prude
- “When One is Pretending, the Whole Body Revolts”
- Non-Linear Love-Making: the Picnic Approach to Sex
- Your Bedroom As Sanctuary
- Sexy Debriefing
- Getting "Love Drunk"
- Make-Over Your Sex Life
- Be Real, Express Freely
- The Fairy Tales Got It Wrong
- Are Humans Naturally Monogamous - and if not, what does that mean?
- Evolve with the Seven Elements of Sexuality
- Getting to Sex can be like getting to the Gym
to my LOVELIFE blog for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!