The standard approach to sex is rather like a three course meal, it proceeds in set stages: you kiss a bit, fondle a bit (maybe give her an orgasm), then have vigorous intercourse until he comes. The End.
It’s not a bad model for sex, but it’s limited, and can get pretty boring over time.
I suggest you take a less lineal approach to sex and think of it less like a three-course meal and more like a picnic. At a picnic everything is available in front of you and you can pick and choose whatever you want, in whatever quantity, at whatever pace, and in whatever order you please. read more...
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
There's a beautiful quote from Anais Nin:
There came a day when the flower realized that the pain of remaining tight in a bud was greater than the risk of opening up and blossoming.
That's how people often feel about their sexuality before they come to see me. They can't bear being a tight bud any more, they can no longer deny their need to blossom. It's what I love in this work, whether it's with private clients or in the group workshops, people start to tap into their true selves and to allow themselves to be who they really are and express themselves honestly and openly.
Have you ever had a gigglegasm?
Do you even know what a gigglegasm is? read more...
Over my years of clinical and academic involvement in sexuality (not to mention countless hours of personal ‘research’) I have identified seven underlying elements to our sexuality.
These elements are all essential to having a strong, healthy, integrated sexuality. If you are weak in any of them, your sexuality will be out of balance.
These elements are also developmental, each element includes and transcends the ones before. If you jump ahead before you’ve developed and integrated the earlier elements, that too will cause your sexuality to be out of balance. read more...
It's Autumn, the “season of mists and mellow fruitfulness” to quote Keats - a time of ripening and reaching fulfillment. Mmm, doesn’t that sound so sexual!
It’s not an intense, fiery time of year though and I don’t advocate an overly intense approach to sex.
Too many people go too far too quick, rushing into it, without allowing the time for the ‘ripening’ in order to achieve real sexual fulfillment.
Truly awesome sex always takes connection, a 'sinking in' within oneself and with each other. It’s different from the rapid-fire approach to sexual excitation, which is the more “normal” mode in this society. With this sinking in comes a ‘syncing in’, where you can let go and really feel each other, really tune in - and for a while the two can indeed become 'one'.
For generations we raised our girl children to think they’re not sexual, that they shouldn’t be sexual, and if they were sexual - stoning or burning them to death or locking them away in insane asylums. Women didn’t have a chance to explore their sexuality, and neither did their partners.
So, with no alternative, when a man married he basically kept on doing with his wife what he’d been doing with himself for years - masturbating. Since puberty the adolescent boy had been stroking his penis as fast as he could until he ejaculated. So when he got a female partner, not knowing any better, he kept doing that inside her.
Essentially men were masturbating inside their wives.
It's the new year, a time for committing to bettering yourself. What better area of life to commit to focusing on than your love life?!
Whether you're single or partnered, we can all focus on that fundamentally important contributor to health, happiness and well-being - your sexuality!
So I'd like to suggest you commit to a Year of Great Sex! Let's call it your 'Great Sex' Project.
Sex is one of the great forms of human self-expression. It's a place where creativity, physical movement, pleasure and joy can manifest, just like the other forms of human expression - music, art, design, dance, cooking, sport, even writing. read more...
I like to divide sexual encounters in a long-term relationship into three types:
Simple Sex – short and comforting
Sensual Sex - luscious and bonding
Spicy Sex – exciting and adventurous
Taking a break together is always a good thing to do, helping you relax and rejuvenate and hopefully have some quality sexy time away from the stresses of everyday life.
So why would you add a couples retreat to your time away? What are the benefits to you of going to one of my LoveLife Couples Retreats?
Well, where do I start?! Feeling the love and connection in the group and seeing the couples blossom is an experience that’s hard to put into words.
But I’ll try...
- Non-Linear Love-Making: the Picnic Approach to Sex
- Your Bedroom As Sanctuary
- Sexy Debriefing
- Getting "Love Drunk"
- Make-Over Your Sex Life
- Be Real, Express Freely
- The Fairy Tales Got It Wrong
- Are Humans Naturally Monogamous - and if not, what does that mean?
- Evolve with the Seven Elements of Sexuality
- Getting to Sex can be like getting to the Gym
- Intensity Repels, Enticement Attracts. Like Chocolate Cake.
- Turn Yourself On and the World Turns On To You
- Therapy is Composting Your Sh*t
- Are You Flat-lining or Surfing in Life?
to my LOVELIFE blog for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!